Experimental Authors
by Orietta Rose
Summary: Levi finds that his subordinates have taken to writing and one of them has penned an interesting story that leads to a surprising confession. Featuring original works by Jean, Sasha, Connie, Armin, Eren and Mikasa. Drabbles.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own SnK or AoT. Just so you know.**

"What the fuck are they doing?" his eyes narrowed as he spied six of his inferiors gathered around the dying fire. The sight of them wasn't strange, they were often seen together during meals, but it was late, dangerously close to curfew, and they were acting suspiciously.

He took care to remain unnoticed as his legs led him in their direction; silently he moved to stand not ten feet from their unguarded positions.

They sat on logs and the ground. Their conversation was animated.

"Yeah, well, I finished mine so long ago that you wouldn't believe it!" A piece of paper was brandished through the air.

"Rushed work, huh Jean? It's total crap right?"

"Shut up, Connie! At least I wrote about something that could actually happen."

"It's not like you know what I wrote anyway."

For the life of him he couldn't understand what they were referring to.

"You all did one too, right?"

The rest of the group made gestures of affirmation.

"So..." Jaeger took the helm. "Who wants to read theirs first?"

"What?!" Kirschtein was outraged. "Since when are we _sharing_?"

"You don't have to if you think yours sucks."

"Why you-"

Levi took the opportunity to step in. "What the hell are you brats on about?"

They jumped as a collective, save Ackerman whom he noted remained motionless.

"Hand them over."

"Er, heichou..."

His glare was deadly. "Give them to me." He took a seat on a stump as his order was followed. "You too, Ackerman." She passed hers along the line with the barest hint of a scowl.

"Alright," he shuffled the papers. "Seems like you've taken to authorship. However, you cowards are unwilling to share your works."

"Heichou, I was going to-"

"Shut up, Jaeger. Don't lie. You knew the rest of them wouldn't want to and you weren't going to either."

The titan-shifter turned red.

"As your superior I take it upon myself to toughen your resolve. _I_ will read your narratives. Aloud."

"Corporal, I don't know if you..."

"That's not fair, sir!"

"Are you serious?!"

He ignored their objections. "Alright. Who's first?" Top of the pile. "Kirschtein."

**A/N: Oh no, bro! I didn't mean to start another story, but I woke up and was tossing/turning for an hour and a half and this is where my mind went so...Next up: Jean Kirschtein's Tale of Unplanned Encounters.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Poor grammar incoming! This is Jean's writing so no flames on the content! Don't be mean to Jean.**

**Song: Old MacDonald by The Bama Boyz, from ****the Baby Jamz CD. The song is on Youtube, search it and find the CD if you can; it is hilarious. We used it in the daycare I worked at, the toddlers loved it;****_ nursery rhymes for the ghetto _****my friend. Oh yes.**

**Tale of Unplanned Encounters**

_It was a dark, a little cold. _

_Kind of a creepy._

_I didn't now how I'd got to there, to the basement I mean because when I opened my eyes I was just there, I was probably sleepwalking again. It happens alot. I thinks its a anxiety thing._

_So there I was in the basement, the stone floor was cold. Really cold on my feet. I didn't even have socks on which made it colder._

_I wasn't alone though. No. To my surprise there was someone else there with me. I thought I was alone. But I wasn't._

_It was a female._

_And not just any female._

_It was Mikasa._

"Oh my God, heichou stop!"

For a moment and a half he seriously considered the plea.

"_Jean?" she said. "Why are you here?" her voice soft so she didn't wake anyone up._

"_I don't know Mikasa. Why are you here?"_

"_Oh me? Well, this is my room so..."_

_I looked around. I didn't even notice that I was in a bedroom, forget about it being Mikasa's._

"_Oh. Sorry about that. I sleepwalk and I guess I end up here."_

"_That's ok. Hey, do you want to just sleep here, since your already here and everything. We can share the bed since I don't mind and"_

"_Sure if your sure its ok."_

"_Yup."_

_I got under the covers with her. Not even in my dream could I have thought of this actually happening. It had to be a accidental mishap but I wasn't going to question it.  
_

_We slept good that night and when we woke up Mikasa said, "I've never slept so good in my life. We should do this all the time." And I agreed._

_The End._

"Okay, enough of this crap," Levi balled the paper and tossed it into the fire. "Next up is Connie Springer."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I almost felt bad for Jean last chapter, but pride goes before the fall. Now it's Connie's turn! No flames for Springer... Let Levi take care of that.**

**Song: Boom by Fan3. Find it on Youtube.**

**Guys Where's My Chair?**

"Go ahead, heichou. I have no shame!"

_So the day started normally enough, nothing weird going on, but as I walked into the room something felt off. I couldn't put my finger on it._

"_Hey, does anyone else feel like there's something wrong here?"_

_Everyone looked at me funny._

"_I mean, doesn't something seem...strange?"_

_They didn't answer, going back to what they were doing._

_We were all there for a meeting, everyone sitting in their assigned spots. It wasn't until I tried to find my seat that I realized:_

_I didn't have a chair._

"_Guys, where's my chair?"_

_They all ignored me._

"_Hey! Guys, I need a chair too!"_

_It was like they couldn't hear me._

"_Yo, Connie," a voice said from behind me._

_I turned, relieved that someone was finally paying attention._

"_Did you know you were naked?"_

_I looked down at myself and sure enough I was stark nude._

"_Huh." Oddly enough it didn't bother me._

_Then I woke up._

_It was all a dream._

_The End._

His story met the flame.

"Hey! I was gonna frame that!"

"Arlert's turn."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Eh, Connie's story was okay. Let's see how Armin does!**

**Song: Going Under by Evanescence**

**Existential**

"How you feeling about this, Arlert?"

"Not confident, sir."

"Take heart, brat. It can't be any fucking worse than Kirschtein's load of crap."

_Always in slumber, never conscious._

_Time is essentially a construct of the mind._

_Madness? Perhaps._

_He would like to think so. The alternative is too horrifying to consider._

_Colors swirl, the heat is unbearable. _

_Death, will it come now, finally?_

_No. Not yet. Continue on. Continue on this path of perpetual nightmares._

_The darkness of deceit. The illumination of illustration._

_Which does he prefer?_

_He does not know._

_If he were to escape this descent, if he were to grab hold of a ledge..._

_But no. There is nothing. There is only isolated disaffection._

_Nothing._

_The End_

"Need a therapist, Arlert?" He crumpled the paper, threw it over his shoulder. "Braus."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Armin got dark. I bet Sasha can lighten the mood!**

**Song: ****There Was an Old Lady That Lived in a Shoe****, on the Baby Jamz CD. I don't remember ****who preformed it.**

**Food for Free**

"You're gonna like mine, heichou!"

"I doubt it."

_The table was long, red wood, shiny. Really shiny. So shiny you could see your reflection in its surface, or you could, if the table wasn't covered in FOOD._

_There was FOOD like you wouldn't believe! All kinds too. Fruits and vegetables. __**Meats**__ and cheese. Drinks too. Lots to drink and lots to eat._

_The best part? It was mine. All mine. _

_Being the good person that I am I decided to share my bounty with anyone who asked._

_No one asked so I didn't have to share._

_That was okay because even if someone else did partake the table refilled immediately. The FOOD was never-ending._

_I ate __**meat**__ first, chicken and beef and lamb and quail and all kinds of __**meat**__. Then cheese. White cheese, yellowish cheese, cheese that had a stinky smell and more. I had apples and pears and strawberries and bananas. After that came veggies. Cucumbers, sprouts, tomatoes and, the best of all vegetables, potatoes._

_Potatoes._

_Potatoes._

_Let that sink in._

_There was now a never-ending supply of potatoes. And __**meat**_. _And everything else._

_Do you understand now?_

_This is pure heaven! This is the best! All the food ever. All the food ever._

_And it was all mine._

_I didn't even get a stomach ache or fat because this food is perfection._

_The End._

"Burn," Levi murmured.

"NO!"

"Jaeger, let's see what you got."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: How typical of Sasha. Can you guess that Eren wrote about?**

**Song: Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down**

**End of the Titans**

The boy in question stared hard at the ground.

"Don't get bent out of shape, brat. It can't be that bad. Remember Kirschtein."

"You're never going to let that die are you?" Jean mumbled in humiliated misery.

_The ground swelled, soaked with the blood of titans and humans alike, yet one race was victorious._

_Humanity, in one last show of might, had accomplished its task of reclaiming its standing within the world. No longer would they be hunted like animals, eaten for pleasure, torn to pieces and left to rot. Humanity was dominant and the titans were gone. _

_They were dead. All of them. _

_Eradicated. _

_Not one remained._

_The thousands of human casualties had not been in vain. _

_The End._

"Predictable." He dropped the heroic narrative to the ground, where it was quickly rescued by its creator. "Alright, here's hoping you saved the best for last because damn those were shit. Ackerman, don't let me down."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ooo, Mikasa's story or...?**

**Song: Glad You Came by The Wanted**

"Anything to say, Ackerman?"

She shook her head.

"You sure about that?"

A nod.

Levi glared at her, feeling sure that this was her brand of insubordination, but dropped the subject.

His eyes fell to the final piece of paper, widened, shot to the face of its author and then back to the sheet before his mind was able to process the words written upon it.

"Ackerman."

The observers flinched at his tone.

"Ackerman, my office. Now." He didn't wait for a reply, striding from the group as soon as his order was given.

"Mikasa," Eren hissed. "What did you write?!"

The dark haired girl gave no verbal reply, choosing to shrug as she stood. Her face betrayed no hint of fear or surprise. Her countenance led the others to wonder if she'd already known what the corporal's reaction would be; was she resigned to her fate?

They could do nothing but watch as she trailed after their leader.

"Oh damn, she's in for it." Jean stared after the pair, apprehension visible in his stance.

"I wonder what she wrote?" Sasha questioned.

"Probably something about causing heichou injury," Eren answered.

Connie nodded. "If that's the case she'll likely be shoveling horse shit for the rest of her life."

Armin kept his thoughts to himself.

**A/N2: Next chapter will be rated 'M' so I'll be changing the story rating. Follow so you can get notice of the update! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This will be the first "M" rated thing I post on this site...No wait. Is it? Yeah? Yeah.**

**Song: Smokescreen by Willis**

"Ackerman," he fought to keep his voice steady. "What the hell is this?"

_Eren. _

_My family. My love._

_The things I feel for him are so soft, so sweet._

_Maybe that's why its hard to understand these other feelings, feelings that have nothing to do with Eren._

"Ackerman."

_For Eren I would die._

_My need to protect him is obsessive, I know. He doesn't like it, wishes I would leave him be, but I can't. No one understands this need, but I don't need to be understood._

_I just wish __**I **__could understand._

"Listen you brat, speak when spoken to! I asked you, what the hell is this?" his tone was deadly.

_I want to understand why I feel this way. Not how I feel for Eren, how I feel for..._

"My story."

His eyes narrowed.

_...for Levi._

"This isn't a_ story_, this a fucking journal entry!"

_Heat. I feel heat in the pit of stomach. I thought it was anger, he makes me furious, but that's not all it is._

"I can write what I want."

_He hurt Eren; I wanted to kill him._

"Dammit Ackerman," he hissed.

_So why, why in the world do I want him to touch me?_

"You don't have to like it," she told him, deadpanned. "It's mine, not yours."

_Where do these dreams come from? Dreams so vivid. Dreams of things I've never experienced, but that others talk of._

His eyes were blazing. "Who the hell said I didn't like it?"

_Lately all my dreams hold the same theme. He and I in situations I've never encountered or even thought of before. On the bed, against a wall, in the grass._

She stared at him in disbelief.

_Sometimes he finds me alone during the night. He says he has to punish me. Using my scarf to tie my hands behind my back, using his cravat to cover my eyes, he forces me to my knees. I hear his pants hit the ground and suddenly he's in my mouth._

"You think I'm an unfeeling bastard, but I assure you I am most definitely a man."

_Other dreams start with training. He pins me to the ground and I can feel him, all of him, pressing against me. People are watching, but that doesn't stop him from sinking his teeth into my neck and grinding his pelvis against mine._

She was stunned.

_Why am I not disgusted by this? Why is that I wake flushed, gasping and almost wishing that my dream was reality? No. Not almost._

"Hate is a passionate emotion."

_I think I want it. Really. And I don't know why. There's no love, no compassion in these images. No deep feelings of attachment. __I want to know why I dream of him fucking me._

"So," she found her words. "Do something about it."

_Eren is always pushing me away. He doesn't have a clue how I feel and though I know he cares I also know that I am nothing more than family. I am just his sister. Someone who holds him back. I don't mean for him to think of me like that, but I know he does. For me, its worth it. He's alive._

Both pieces of neckwear were removed from their usual places. "Let me make that dream a reality."

_It should be enough. It used to be. Knowing that Eren was safe...But he isn't and I know, without a doubt, that someday he'll go away from me. Insensitive as he is he'll_ _do it without a word, never thinking about how much his actions hurt me until after the fact._

She fell to her knees.

_If he comes back alive he'll apologize, rationalizing that my fears were unfounded when I throw my arms around his neck and cry._

"Ackerman," he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "You've been a bad girl. Having dreams like those about a superior officer? You need to be punished." He took a fist full of her dark hair, yanking her head back.

_If he dies...If he dies then in the moments before death he'll regret not saying goodbye, not being stronger, but not what he's done. If he dies it will have been for a worthy cause and he will have done everything he could. That will satisfy him._

It was in her mouth. Hard. Throbbing. She nearly choked.

_He's so selfish. He would leave me in an instant. Leave me alone. Again. Leave me to wander the dark halls of depression. _

He hissed when her tongue touched his tip. "That's it, accept your punishment."

_If Eren dies then I will too._

"Where'd you learn that, huh?" he gasped as she bobbed her head. "I thought you said you'd never done this before."

_So, for all of that, for all of those feelings heading in his direction, why doesn't he understand? More than that, why am I stupid enough to hope that he ever will?_

"Oh, fuck, Ackerman," he groaned.

_I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! _

He convulsed. Salty, hot liquid ran down her throat.

_Why am I with someone else in my dreams?_

Levi found himself flat on his back, eyes closed, breathless. It had been a long time since he'd felt that way. Too long.

_Why am I with Levi?_

He regained enough sense to undo her bindings. "Alright brat, it's your turn. I'll show you something you haven't even dreamed of."

_I don't know._

_The End._

**A/N2: Erm...I don't know either. One more chapter left!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Song: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood**

She didn't know what he was doing, why he was holding her this way. Sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, he'd pulled her to him. Her body angled to the side, between his legs, he forced her to rest her head in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair.

"Do you regret it?"

A strange question. It was a little late for that, whether she did or not was irrelevant; even so it made her pause. What was he asking? Did he want to know if she was upset, if she was angry or sad? She was none of those things.

"No."

But, she was confused; more so with him than herself. Sure, he'd gained pleasure, but was it worth the cost? He'd been intimate with her. That had to mean something, maybe more than was safe.

"Relationships are a risk at best," she muttered. "A liability at worst."

It was true. She'd made bad decisions, too many stupid mistakes to count, because of her feelings for Eren. She cared more about him than all of humanity combined and that was dangerous.

He scoffed. "Who said anything about a relationship? That was physical, nothing else. It doesn't have to mean more."

She noted that he hadn't said it _couldn't_ mean more.

"I—I don't know what I should do," she admitted, facing reddening. "I love Eren."

"Yeah, you've got feelings for the shifter, but he doesn't have a damn clue."

"Its kind of a lost cause, I know. I know that, but it doesn't change anything!"

He gripped her shoulders. "What if I said I want you to change your mind?"

She was shaking her head before he finished speaking. "But you won't so it doesn't matter."

"Don't fucking act like you know me, bitch. You have no idea what I want." His voice held no real threat.

If he did... If he did what would she do? She couldn't just let go of Eren, that wasn't possible, and it would be torture to add another person to her heart, especially one who was so often on the front lines of battle. He was Humanity's Strongest Soldier, but that meant little when you got to root of things.

"Fact is," he began. "I could die tomorrow. I could make a mistake, my gear could fail and I would be dead. I've heard about your past, but believe me when I tell you that I know how it feels to lose family. Its happened too many times for me to count."

Mikasa didn't like to think of that; his inner circle had been wiped out not long ago and it had likely happened before, would doubtlessly happen again.

"People come and go, Ackerman. You can't hold on to them forever. If a titan doesn't take Jaeger out, if by some twist of fate he actually lives to see the day that those bastards are exterminated and you make it too, what do you think will happen? He'll suddenly notice you're a girl?"

No. She knew he wouldn't. He didn't think of her that way; she was his sister and nothing more. If she died he would be devastated, but not paralyzed. He would keep fighting, harder than ever before and do everything he could to avenge her death while holding on to his original goal: Annihilate the titans.

"I know, damn it," she hissed. Much to her disgust her vision blurred. "I know that. I know he doesn't see me like that and I know he never will. You don't have to tell me!" She made to push away, but he held fast. "Let me go shorty!"

"Why? So you can go cry? With my luck Jaeger would find you mid-meltdown, blame me and fucking shift in his attempt to get back at me. He's got no control."

"Don't talk about him like that!"

She hated the way he belittled Eren, the way he acted as if Eren was just some child. He was so much more than that.

"It's fucking true, Ackerman. You can keep him on a pedestal, but that's not going to change the fact that he is a _kid_ with power he doesn't really know how to use and you propping him up isn't doing him good."

She was shaking with rage.

"And you're just like him. Even now you'd like to fly off the handle and beat me to a pulp, only problem is I'm holding onto you. I've got some news for you bitch, if you manage to break free I'll give you an ass whooping like you've never experienced. Pain is a great teacher. Without it you'd never learn anything."

He was telling her something, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to let go of Eren. She didn't want him to feel pain.

"Jaeger is hard-headed. He's not going to learn shit if you can't leave him be to figure things out on his own."

Leaving Eren? No. She wouldn't do it.

"Did you know that birds push their progeny out of the nest? They shove them out, force them to fly. If they don't they hit the ground and die. Even fucking birds know there are some things you do on your own."

On his own Eren would die. He wasn't strong enough, he wasn't smart enough, he acted too quickly, he-

"If you can let him make mistakes he'll learn from them. If you can't he'll probably get it eventually, but he'll resent you for holding him back."

_Mikasa, back off!_

_Just leave me alone, Mikasa!_

_Mikasa, let me do this!_

"He already does," she whispered.

"No he doesn't. Don't be so fucking dramatic. You get in his way and on his nerves, but he knows you're trying to help him. Sooner or later though there's going to come a time when you cause a problem. You're going to step in front of him and things will go wrong. _That_ is when he will resent you."

_Back off._

But how could she do that? What if she left his side and he died?

"You've got to trust him. That's what it comes down to. You need to trust him to take care of himself. He's not on a suicide mission, his goal requires him to live and Jaeger might be a dumb ass, but he's nothing if not driven to succeed."

_Mikasa, just trust me!_

He'd told her before, told her what he wanted from her. Trust. Eren wanted her to trust that he could do things on his own, but personal experience said otherwise. He always rushed into the fray without a plan, with little thought of consequences and she was there to save him.

"It doesn't mean you can't offer an opinion, like I said he's an idiot, but if he rejects what you're telling him don't force it on him anyway. Give him support."

"I've always supported Eren!" she couldn't resist defending herself. "I'm here aren't I? Even though I didn't want him to do this, even though I tried to protect him, I came with him!"

"Because you _don't trust him_. You _don't_ think he can survive without you. That's not the kind of support he needs from you."

She disliked the things Levi was saying, he had no right to counsel her over her relationship with Eren. What she liked even less was the fact that she knew he was right.

"So you're saying that I should just—that I should just-"

"I'm _not_ telling you to give up on him, fool, I'm telling you to put your fucking faith in him. That'll do him better than constant nagging and worried looks. What damn part of this don't you get, Ackerman? Stop acting like his mother, he doesn't want that from you and you're holding him back."

Her heart was heavy; leaving Eren to fend for himself was unthinkable, not jumping to his defense was inconceivable.

Locked in a loop of unwelcome ideas she froze when he yanked her into sitting position, only to pull her into a hug.

"Besides that," his speech was halting. If she didn't know any better she would have thought he was embarrassed. "Besides that, if you keep looking at Jaeger, you'll never look at me."

Her eyes widened in alarm.

"This is a fucking stupid feeling to have, an even dumber thing to say and I should fucking keep it to myself because you're right about relationships. They're dangerous, especially when the one you care about is perpetually on the road to a painful death, but I'd regret it even more if I didn't tell you. If I find myself about to die at least you'll have known, damn it. At least I told you. I don't give a shit if you hate me for this and its fine if you reject me with a loud and resounding, "Hell no", but you had damn well better consider what I fucking told you Ackerman because I mean it. I want you to look at me."

**A/N: What if I said this was the last chapter? Well, I thought it would be, but Levi got way more into it then I thought he would so ONE MORE.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Song: Tearin' Up My Heart by *Nsync**

She didn't know what to say, hell she didn't even know what to think. Her mind had gone blank in shock.

What was he saying? Probably exactly what he meant. Heichou wasn't one for beating around the bush, she knew that, but this confession was just...It was so...

She couldn't fathom it.

He wanted her to look at him.

"Get out of here, Ackerman."

Startled, she hadn't noticed him stand, but there he was opening the door.

"They're going to come here if you don't leave soon and I'm liable to hurt Jaeger if I see him right now. Damn brat has what I want and doesn't even fucking know it."

She flinched at the insinuation, yet to her surprise found that his threats against Eren failed to raise her usual anger. It wasn't that she didn't think him serious, his tone said he was, but she was too caught up in his statements about herself to be wrathful.

He was right about how Eren viewed her; he'd never seen her as more than a sister and likely never would. In anything else Eren would act without restraint, but never when it came to her. While she was apt to lose her head with the slightest provocation, the smallest word against him, he'd never been so inclined when it came to her. Not that he had much chance, few had anything bad to say about Mikasa, but Levi had criticized her before and Eren'd never taken issue with it.

Eren never took her advice. Eren never asked her what she thought. Eren never considered how she felt.

"Leave, Ackerman."

She found it difficult to walk past him, especially with the way he insisted on staring, but she manged with her head held high. If anyone were to see her now they wouldn't suspect her inner turmoil; the last thing she wanted was to be questioned over a change in disposition.

His hand snatched hers, stopping her mid-step.

"You better think about what I said to you, bitch. I won't wait around forever. I'm not some love-sick fool, alright? I don't fucking _need_ you."

As she walked away she felt he left something unsaid. "Not yet", perhaps. Or maybe she was putting words in his mouth. He couldn't think that way. There was nothing in this world, aside from the basic human necessities, that Levi needed for survival and for her to think, even for a moment, that she could be elevated to that unimaginable position was the height of stupidity. Not only that, but it was selfish. Who would wish something like that on a person? Especially her. She knew too well the way it felt to need someone who was in constant danger.

Needing Eren, it was the wrong way to feel, but she'd never reasoned that there was another way to live. He'd saved her and she owed him so much for that.

Maybe even her trust.

She tended to ignore the significance of fact that it was Eren who had allowed her to live, though in an abstract way she'd never forgotten what he'd done and that was where her gratefulness stemmed from. If not for him she would have either died at the hands of the traffickers or been sold for who knew what kind of purpose, he'd been the one to motivate her into fighting back, but since then she'd thought of herself as the only one capable of fighting at all.

Eren was too impulsive and too ready to battle.

Armin was a genius, but his combat skills were lacking.

She was the fighter.

Why was it that she could trust Armin to take care of himself, she wondered. If anything he was the one most likely to die. She should be more worried about Armin's safety than Eren's when it came to that. He was family too.

She knew the reason. She loved Eren in a way she could never love Armin and that was the difference. She _loved_ Eren.

He didn't feel the same way.

What needed to be done?

She realized she hadn't ever thought of changing herself _for_ herself. When Eren said she should cut her hair she did it without a second thought. When Eren asked her to trust him she refused because it might harm him. Every decision she made, just about every thing she did, had something to do with Eren.

Everything except those dreams.

Everything expect that story.

Everything except what she'd done with Levi.

It was the first time in years that she'd done something because she wanted to.

"If I didn't love Eren."

What would change? He would still be her family, she would always hate to see him hurt, but could she bear it without flying into a rage?

To see Levi train Eren into exhaustion without wanting to beat the shit out of him for it, to allow Hanji to coerce Eren into participating in experiments without preparing to end the scientist, it seemed like an impossible aspiration. Her emotions were always a little beyond the border of acceptable when it came to her savior.

The idea of not feeling that way was almost repugnant; it was hard to believe she hadn't always held onto those thoughts, but once she'd been a normal girl living with her parents in a cabin outside the main town. She'd known nothing of Eren, nothing of loss and little of fear.

What she wouldn't give to go back to those times. To live those days again.

But that couldn't happen. Until the titans were gone, and she found herself doubting that they could be eliminated, no one could be that carefree. So what was the point of fighting at all?

There were moments when she felt like she wanted to stop, dark hours when she wanted to abandon her duties and run, but surrender was unacceptable and she would never do it. She was no quitter.

Would giving up on Eren constitute quitting?

Something inside told her "no", that it wasn't the same thing. Loving Eren the way she did was a lost cause. It would be a tactical advantage to let it go. If she could do that she could let him reach is full potential.

Maybe that was the ultimate way of showing her love.

* * *

No one came looking for her. There was no knock on the door, no one whispered "Mikasa," through the crack. She wasn't sure if she was grateful for the privacy or disappointed by it; either way it was for the best because she was in no state to entertain.

Crying wasn't something she made a habit of, she was rarely emotional that way, but she couldn't put herself down for this instance of weakness. It was natural, wasn't it? Letting go of Eren was something she'd actively fought against for years and now she was faced with a reality that told her it had to happen.

It wasn't something she would tell him outright, he'd be confused and saddened by her admittance, so she would pull away instead. Slowly disengage, gently remove herself from his presence. She would do it so carefully that he would be unaware of the change while it happened. She would stop jumping to his defense when he was criticized, stop trying to persuade him to make the decisions she thought best and she would _try_ to let go of her romantic feelings for him.

That would be easier said than done. Perhaps with help...

No.

That would be wrong. To use him that way, when he had been so honest with her, was out of the question. Nevertheless she thought he had a right to know of her decision. If not for him she would have never considered doing any of this.

Before she realized what she was doing she was in the hall, her feet leading her back upstairs. With each step her heart rate increased. She was anxious in a way she'd never been before.

What would she say to him? Tell him that he was right about Eren and then what? She didn't have any kind of answer for him.

Outside his door she halted, leaning against the wall opposite the entrance.

She had to respond. Thanking him wasn't enough, he needed to know that she wouldn't string him along. Giving up on Eren was one thing, replacing him was another.

"_I want you to look at me."_

Look.

Just look.

"Look at him."

She could do that.

The End

**A/N: Maybe there'll be a one-shot sequel or something someday. Yeah. There probably will be. In fact there definitely will be and it'll be called "Experimental Relationship" so look forward to that!**


End file.
